Sunday, 26 March 2017

Explosions, Chapter 2

 ~ 2 ~
The bugs were certainly after her, but why? At closer inspection, Briar found they looked more like flying fish that shot balls of ice from there mouth.
‘We should call them Icefish!’ Grinned Ding Dong, as he stood watching them.
‘I think we can name them later. Right now they're trying to-’ Briar stopped as another ball was aimed at her head.
‘Hug us?’ Ding Dong wondered.
‘No, don't think so.’ She laughed sarcastically. ‘No, no they're trying to kill us!’
‘Hug…’ Ding Dong smiled as he dozily walked towards them, standing up on his hind legs and trying to hug them with his front legs.
‘You do realise you're asking for a death wish, don't you?’ Briar snapped at him.
‘Huuuuuuuuuuuuuug…’ He stuck his tongue out at the Icefish.
‘AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!’  The Icefish gave a high-pitched screaming noise and flew away.
‘Huh?’ said Briar.  ‘That’s funny. They don’t like hugs,’
‘Oh… they looked fluffy.’ Sighed Ding Dong. ‘I once had a little fish. I took it with me to hell, but all the water evaporated and I accidently dropped the bowl in the lava. I can still hear his fishy screams today.’ He said solemnly.
‘That's nice…’ Briar muttered, watching the spot where the Icefish had vanished, distracted.
‘It’s not nice,’ Said Ding Dong indignantly.
‘Oh well.’
‘It is not well, Briar.’
‘I don't care, Ding Dong.’
‘You should care. He was my best friend!’
‘Good for you … you had a friend. Did you bribe him?’
‘It is not good!   He died, you heartless person!’  Ding Dong sounded hurt.  Briar sighed again, watching the dusty horizon.  ‘Sorry, Ding Dong.’
‘You should be.’ He snorted.
‘Let's keep going.’ Briar said.
‘Where?’ The pink llama tilted his head.
‘I don't know. Away. Away from here.’ A loud screech blasted Briars ear. ‘What is that?’ She yelped.
‘Maybe a butterfly.’ Ding Dong smiled fondly.
‘Maybe…’ Briar rolled her eyes. The screeching continued for a few minutes, before they moved on.

***

Emma snorted as Mr Fuzzy Wuzzy started singing and dancing the Macarena.
‘Why can't I just have Fluffball back…’ She murmured into the dusty sky.
‘What da heck is a Flooffbarl?’ Mr Fuzzy Wuzzy asked, his puzzled face glancing at hers, before a smile spread across his face. ‘Ooo, I undershtands now! I is a Floofbarl! Da Floofbarl!’
‘That's nice…’ Muttered Emma.
‘Yass, it ish, ishn’t it?’ He grinned, pulling a stupid pose. Emma face-palmed herself.
‘Mr Fuzzy Wuzzy -’
‘Dat ish not my name.’
‘What?’
‘My name ish Awesome. Da Aweshome.’
‘Okay…’
‘Yass, I ish very fond of zit.’ He grinned proudly.

***

Briar was still wondering what that screeching was, when a big crunching noise came, then a loud growling.
‘Oh, that's nothing to worry about.’ Ding Dong smiled. ‘There was one in Hell. A dragon.’
‘A DRAGON?!’ Squeaked Briar, sounding oddly high-pitched.
‘Yes, he was the main reason I left Hell. I was in my hotel room, applying my daily llama make-up, (very good stuff, you should try it.  The only problem is you’re not a llama, so you might just turn pink and fluffy like me, but it’s still good!) when a sound like fingernails against tiles made me stick my long fluffy neck out the window.   Very good view.   I spotted a dragon, one without wings, and I felt quite sorry for him until he blew up the hotel! Just like that!  Quite nice of him actually, I like it here better.  Also, he sent a fireball into my eye. That's why I'm part blind.’
‘You’re blind?’
‘No, when did I say that?’ Asked Ding Dong.
‘Just then!’
‘Oh, did I? Sorry, I was packing my bags rather quickly to leave Hell, I must’ve forgotten my memory.  I can’t remember much.’
‘I noticed…’ The sound of crunching switched Briar on to thinking mode. ‘Down here!’ It's not exaggerating to say that she literally dragged Ding Dong to hide under a shaft of rubble.
‘Why are we hiding? That lizard was rather pleasant company.’
‘You just said- Oh, never mind!’ Briar growled.
‘What?’
‘You’ve definitely left your memory in Hell.’
‘What’s a memory?’
‘Oh brother…’ Briar rolled her eyes.
‘Brother?  I don’t have one, but I have a sister!  She’s still in Hell.’   Suddenly, they heard a deafening roar.  ‘Oh, oh, I know what that is.’  Said Ding Dong.
As the dragon came into view, it creaked like a robot and Briar noticed was a deep orange with flaming eyes. A voice, a woman's voice, came from the dragon’s mouth.  ‘Loading fireballs.’
‘It’s a robot!’ ’ Exclaimed Briar.
‘Fireballs in three… two… one…’ The dragon looked straight at them and three fireballs came shooting from each nostril.
‘DUCK!’ Shrieked Briar.
‘Duck?’ Asked Ding Dong, interested.  ‘I like ducks, where are - woooo … that tickles! It's fuzzy and -’ Briar glared at him.
‘It's a fireball. It is not fuzzy and they do not tickle. They do not look like ducks either.  They very narrowly missed you’ She sighed, frustrated.
‘Quack, Quack.’ Smiled Ding Dong.  Then he looked puzzled.  ‘Now what does that mean?’ He asked himself.  ‘Quackity Quack Quack Quack -’
‘Ding Dong, I think we need to go to Hell,’  said Briar.  ‘We need to get your memory back.  You’re just stupid without it.
‘What's a Hell?’
‘I'm dying here! Someone help me!’ Muttered Briar.
‘I can help! Wait, what is a dying? Anyway, Hell sounds pretty.  Is it a woman llama?  Ooh, I bet she’d look good in a pink frilly llama dress.’
‘Of course…’
‘Can I meet Hell?’
‘Sure, we’ll just go to her, um, house.’  Briar then noticed one giant problem.  How would they get to Hell?
‘Hey look!’ Said Ding Dong suddenly.  ‘There’s a red cloud. Let’s go stand under it, I like red. It's getting close! We can have a picnic under it!’
‘Of course!’ Exclaimed Briar.  ‘Red cloud!  It has to go to Hell!  Hell’s house, I mean.’ She added, glancing sideways at Ding Dong, who was sniffing a stick, wondering what it was.  His ears perked up.  ‘Hell’s house?’ He cried.  ‘Let’s go there!’
‘Okay, stand under the cloud.’
‘Okay.’
‘Now, wait.’
‘I WANT TO GO TO HELL’S HOUSE!’  shrieked Ding Dong thirty seconds later.
‘Look!’  Exclaimed Briar.  A red set of stairs was unfolding from the cloud.  ‘Hell’s house is this way!’ She announced.

***

Emma was still extremely confused.  How do cats talk?  And even though having a talking cat like Mr Fuzzy  was pretty cool … it was kind of creepy too.  And he was kind of annoying.  Mr Fuzzy       Wuzzy said he’d been hit by something sticky and blobby … what was it?
‘Whaaaaaat ish you tinking?’ Said Mr Fuzzy Wuzzy.
‘Huh?’
‘I is reading your mind … you ish tinking about cat biscuitsh.’
‘Wrong.’
‘Then you ish tinking about dog biscuitsh.’
‘Nope.’
‘I givesh up.’
‘I was thinking about Briar.’
‘I ish knew dat.’ Said Mr Fuzzy Wuzzy instantly.  ‘But you never did tell me what ish dish Briar ting.’
‘Briar is my friend.’
‘Ooh, ish it a boy? Kissy, kissy -’
‘No, Briar is a girl.’
‘Ish you lying, or ish you telling da truth?’
‘I am telling the truth.’
‘No, you ish not. I can read jour mind!’ He smirked and began meditating.
‘Now is not the time to meditate!’
‘Mmmmmmmmm.  Medetashin!  Medetashin!  Medetashin!  Mede -’
‘STOP SAYING MEDATATION!’ Shreiked Emma.  ‘I WANT TO FIND BRIAR!  WHERE IS BRIAR?!?!’
Mr Fuzzy Wuzzy’s eyes suddenly went blank.
A‘Briar Evansh da human is in Hell with Ding Dong the llama.’ He said in a robotic-sounding voice.  ‘Dey ish looking for da memory of Ding Dong da llama.’
‘What?!?!’ Said Emma incredulously.  ‘What did you just say?’
‘Hmm?’
‘WHAT did you just say?’
‘I can’t remembersh, shomting about shnow, maybe?  No, not dat, it was chocolatesh.  No -’
‘Oh, for goodness sake, you said Briar, and something the llama are in Hell looking for somethings memory.’
‘What?  No, I didn’t say dat.’
‘Yes you did.’
‘No I ishn’t.’
‘Yes you did.’
‘No I ishn’t.’
‘Yes you did.’
‘No I ishn’t.’
‘Yes you did.’
‘No I ishn’t.’
‘Mr Fuzzy Wuzzy, you need your head examined.’
Again, Mr Fuzzy Wuzzy’s eyes went blank.  ‘Briar Evansh da human and Ding Dong da llama are in Hell.’  He said in the same robotic voice.  ‘I cannot remember what I am shaying because dish ish called mind-reading and fortune-telling,  I doesh not remember fortune-telling or mind-reading.  To get to da Hell you are required to shtand under a red cloud.’
‘What?!?!’ Said Emma for a second time.  ‘You just - you - you did it again!’
‘You ishn’t making shenshe.’ He muttered to himself, scuffing the floor.
‘Just believe me!’ She sighed. ‘You keep telling me stuff then you go yakking on about other stuff - dumb stuff.’
Mr Fuzzy Wuzzy blinked and stared at the sky.
‘I likesh rainbowsh! Remember when we sliding down da fluffy thingsh and then… then… now we ish going on wild gooshe chashesh for random peoplesh!’ Emma face palmed herself.  As she had done a lot of other times.

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